Where are your boobs?

As long as I can remember my Mom has always been a great dresser. Every outfit complete with matching jewelry, shoes and coordinating handbag. Even when she has worked in more casual office environments, she still looked impeccable. When she retired at age 78 she bid the dry cleaner a fond fair-well and embraced a more simpler style. But lately she seems to have taken comfort to a new level. With her style, placed at times in the back of the closet. Case in point. I take my Mom once a week or so to see my friend Susan Mitchell for acupuncture. As I get close to my parents apartment I phone to let my Mom know to meet me downstairs curbside. One morning as she approached the car I couldn’t help noticing how off her outfit looked. A black and white horizontal thinly stripped tee shirt with beige capri slacks, thick white socks and bulky white sneakers. As she sat into the seat, I started to examine the unrecognizable fabric and scalloped edges of the neck line and sleeve. Not sure if it was inside out or the designer was too cheap to add more fabric. “What are you wearing”? I asked her. “I just bought it at K-Mart the other day. $5.99. Do you like it”? “Since when do you shop K-Mart and no, I hate it. And where are your boobs? Why are they sitting on your stomach? Aren’t you wearing a bra”? “Of course I am” she shot back. As she started to explain why she was wearing a less then perfect fitting bra and her even less the perfect tee shirt, I was backing the car into a parking spot. “Your going to make me change aren’t you”? “You bet I am”. As we got off the elevator my Dad was standing on the landing where he had watched me park the car, his voice rising from the distance. “What’s wrong now”. “Look at the way she’s dressed I said. She looks like an optical elution as she walks”. “Oh please, you should have seen what she wore last night”. As we walked inside my Mom, Dad and I were all talking at the same time explaining each ones position to no one in particular. Standing behind my Mom, I reached into the shirt and yanked up her bra straps hoisting her breasts up to a more expectable location. “This is were they are suppose to be not at your waist!” “I’m not going to put on a push up bra!!!” “No one said anything about a push up bra, just put one on that fits. And don’t even get me started on your paints socks and sneakers”. Within minutes my Mom came out of the bedroom looking wonderful. She handed me the receipt for the tee shirt and as proud as can be said “look, I paid only $4.99.” “Your digging your self in deeper Mom, better quit while your a head”. As we walked to the car she ever so cutely mentioned Macy’s was having a sale. That afternoon we arrived back to my parents with about $150.00’s worth of new clothes. She’s a smart one my Mom. At least she paid for lunch!

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